Warm is the New Cool

Scripture: Romans 12:3-16

It was 2006 and the house we were living in had a small back porch.   As spring turned into summer, we found a small bench that we bought to put back there.  It came from Wal-Mart, so it was a piece of flat box furniture, which means it comes in a flat box and some assembly is required.   For whatever reason we did not get to unpacking it and putting it together right away.  A couple of weeks later the church I was serving at as youth minister had vacation bible school coming up and the VBS director mentioned they needed a bench for the sanctuary decorations.  I volunteered our new one, but mentioned we had to assemble it still.  Someone else cheerfully volunteered that if I brought it in, she and her husband would assemble it. 

On the first day of VBS, I saw the husband and thanked him for assembling our bench.  He glared at me for several long seconds, before he asked, “How long have you been married?”   At the time it had been three years, so I told him.  He gave a defeated sigh and said “You are welcome, because your marriage would not have survived putting that together.” 

 It sounds like that bench was especially frustrating, and it probably was. I do not know how much experience you have assembling flat box furniture, but it can be an aggravating experience.  It seems that the pre-drilled holes are never quite deep enough, there is never enough space to turn an Allen wrench like it is supposed to, the pieces that are supposed to line up just don’t quite seem together, or to hold everything in place to tighten it down requires like seven hands at once.  I have always found trying to assemble flat box furniture to be a harder task than it feels like it should be.  I know I am not the only one to feel this way.  For instance, Ikea furniture especially has earned a reputation for how maddening it is to try and assemble.  One of the things that makes it so frustrating is it all comes with instructions.  They are step by step.  Looking at the instructions it always feels like it should be a lot easier to assemble than it is.  The idea of something being harder than it looks like it should be makes me think of this morning’s scripture.

This morning’s scripture gives a good description of what the church is supposed to be like.  It is full of sensible instructions about how as followers of Christ should live in community together.  Like flat box furniture, on paper the instructions in this morning’s scripture sound easy enough but prove to be a little bit more difficult in practice.  However, seeking to build the kind of community that this morning’s scripture describes is worth it because we find belonging when, as the scripture states, we belong to one another.   This belonging is one of the most effective tools we can have to fulfill our mission of making disciples of Jesus Christ. 

This morning’s scripture comes from the end of the book of Romans, which is the letter Paul wrote to the Christian community in Rome.  Starting in chapter 12 the focus of Romans shifts to more practical matters about how the Romans should live as followers of Jesus in their culture and in community together.  This morning’s scripture is specifically about how they should live in community together.  This was a common theme for Paul in his writings.  In fact, part of this morning’s scripture might have sounded familiar to some of you.  In this morning’s scripture Paul wrote, “For just as each of us has one body with many members and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many form one body.”   What we find here in Romans is a paraphrase of what Paul went into much greater detail about in 1 Corinthians. 

So in Romans Paul reiterates that the church, the community of faith, should be like a body where each member belongs to the others.   Just like he did in 1 Corinthians, Paul then points out that everyone has different gifts and it is everyone’s unique contribution that make the community whole.  Yet, in his writing to the Romans Paul adds several other practical instructions for how to live in community together.  Paul instructs the Romans, and by extension us that we should not think more highly of ourselves than we should, we should honor one another above ourselves, we should share with one another when someone is in need, we rejoice with one another, and we mourn with one another.  Paul also instructed that we should not be proud but be willing to associate with one another no matter what someone’s reputation might be, we should live in harmony with another, and the love we hold for another must be sincere.

Again, these instructions sound practical.  They describe the kind of warm community many of us likely want to be part of, so it sounds like common sense.  However, much like the instructions of flat box furniture, history has shown that following these instructions are harder than it looks on paper.  Our love for one another must be sincere, but Christians who are supposed to love one another can bicker, fight, and argue over the stupidest things. 

Several years ago, Thom Rainer, CEO of Lifeway Christian resources, did an informal survey and asked people to share times they have experienced conflict in the church.  Many of the answers submitted are what you might expect such as disagreements over music, people getting upset over changing the worship time, and of course arguing over what color of carpet to get.  However, he highlighted some of the more eyebrow raising answers.   One person remembered a time there was a large dispute because the church budget was off by ten cents.  The argument ended when someone went to their car and got a dime to balance the budget.   A board meeting spent a lot of time discussing the appropriate length for the worship leader’s beard.   Another person reported a board meeting with a 45-minute heated argument over the type of filing cabinet to purchase: black or brown; 2, 3, or 4 drawers.  Finally, one person tragically reported a meeting that was the most contentious meeting in the church’s history.  The church decided to switch to a stronger brand of coffee and in response several people left the church for good.  

This morning’s scripture describes what a Christian community should be like.  There are a lot of good instructions, but if there is one verse that summarizes it the best it would be verse 10: “Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.” Following this instruction would create the kind of Christian community where we feel like we belong and the kind of warm and inviting community that others will want to be part of.  It sounds so simple, but as those stories show it is anything but.  When we are assembling flat box furniture and the instructions turn out not to be as simple as they look we are faced with three options, and these options are similar to the ones we are faced with living out this morning’s scripture.   

The first option is to just give up and leave it unfinished.  This certainly happens with church.  Some people give up by walking away, but other people give up by declaring “it is my way or the highway” and they then drive people away.  The second option is that we give up on the instructions and try to finish the project ourselves.  While this can work, the finished result ends up being a little wonky.  Maybe the shelf is not quite level, the structure is a bit wobbly, and a few pieces that should have been used do not get used.   When we pursue this option in the church it often leads to dysfunctional communities of faith, that do not honor one another or love with sincerity.   Going this route creates churches that implode over something as trivial as switching coffee brands. 

When assembling flat box furniture with hard to follow instructions, the final option we have is to follow the instructions anyway.  Despite them sometimes being confusing, despite them sometimes being hard, despite the fact we sometimes misunderstood or got it wrong.   The final option is we make the choice to follow the instructions because it is the best way to create something worthwhile.   The same is true for the church.   A loving community does not happen by accident.  It happens by choice.   It happens because we choose to be devoted to one another in love.  We must choose to value one another above our personal preferences or comforts.   It is not possible to love each sincerely passively.  For love to be sincere, it is something we actively choose to do and it is a choice that we actively live out.   We do this by rejoicing with one another, mourning with one another, worshipping with one another, and serving side by side to make a difference.   This is how we be the church, and this is how we make a warm community.  

 Providing a warm community where people can feel like they belong, and they feel like they are connected to other people is one of the ways that the church can meet the needs of the world today.  In our culture, there is a real and dangerous loneliness epidemic.  Studies have found that sustained feelings of loneliness can have the same health impact on an individual as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.   While this is a problem across all demographics, several studies have found that loneliness is impacting more young people, ages 16-24 than any other demographic.  The Fuller Youth Institute researchers asked young people who found and stayed involved with a church what kept them at their church, and the most given answer was personal relationships formed.  Often these relationships cut across generational lines.  These young people were embraced by a warm community, and they found one of their deep needs met. 

As this morning’s scripture puts forth, all churches should be a warm community.   All churches have the potential to be a church where love is sincere and young people experience community I know of a story from a clergy colleague that illustrates this.  This person served at a couple of different churches, with one of them being much smaller.  On a good Sunday the smaller church had 15 people, and the youngest members were in their 60s.  The smaller church was 20 minutes away and had an early worship time.  This pastor’s kids were more involved in the bigger church, so they made a family decision that they would not make the kids go regularly to the smaller, older church with the earlier worship time.  However, one of this pastor’s kids would voluntarily go to this church regularly, and that was in large part because that smaller, older church had Bob.  Every Sunday Bob would talk to the pastor’s son.  He would remember what he said from week to week and ask questions that were deeper than “how are you.”   When Bob did not really have anything else to say then he would him “I sure am glad to see you today.”   So one morning after getting up early, and while in the car driving to this church the pastor asked their son, “Why do you do this?  Why do you get up and come with me?”   He replied, “Because I know they want me.” 

 This is what it means for love to be sincere.  This is what it means to live in harmony with one another and for the church to be like body where each part belongs to the others.   There is a real need for people to have a place to belong and not feel lonely, and I believe it is God’s design that the church meets this need in the world.  This is why one of the essential strategies for a church to grow young is to fuel a warm community.

In this morning’s scripture, Paul gives us instructions that lift up what a church should be like.  Historically, Christians have struggled to meet this mark, but that does not mean we should stop striving to reach it.  This morning’s scripture is especially relevant today, as there are so many people struggling with loneliness.  Being a warm community does meet a real need in the world.   All people, especially young people, want a place where they can be their authentic self.  They want place where they belong and where they know they are wanted.   By the grace of God, may we be that place.